The Soviet Union doesn't think we are funny

First there was the Twist, followed by the Electric Slide, then the Macarena. And now, make way for the hottest new dance craze...
The "5, 4, 3, 2, 1 windshield wipers" is here!
And as you know, a dance is not a dance without it's very own alcoholic beverage.
This dance requires a vodka blueberry or a "sports drink" where Kristin's from.
Now if you are new to this county and don't speak a lot of English, you are most likely Latina. In the off chance that you are German, stop being miserable and go get drunk at the nearest night club. But what if you don't want to drink? What if you are lame? What if your version of fun is the Soviet Union in 1987? Well have no fear, very soon we may have a mix that is right up your alley, as soon as we can get Kristin an assistant.
See folks, there is something for everyone in this world: those that feel alienated from New York, those celebrating closure, and those that date strange alcoholic gay dudes.
Because when you get right down to it, don't we all really just want the same thing?
Don't we all want to hear the Nightingales sing?